“Self-motivation is the only kind there is”.

I read a book when I came across this statement and had to pause to think for quite a while because it spoke against everything I believed until then. I had been watching many motivational speakers and had become what I could call a ‘motivational speaker junkie’, so this odd statement took a significant toll on me.

The irony of it coming from a book I would classify under motivational non-fiction made this pill even harder to swallow. Before I saw and began to appreciate the truth significantly in the above words, it wasn’t long.

Motivation, just like self-image or self-worth, comes from within.

Indeed other people may help you become aware of certain good things about you, but it is only when you fully accept them yourself that you begin to live up to them and exhibit them to an even greater extent.

Inside of you is a switch no one else has access to by which you can power on and off your positive energy and make decisions that will help you get on in life.

Of course, it is crucial to listen to inspirational talks, understand better how your mind works, and read good books, but what is more important is what you do after gathering the powerful information meant to help you.

People who say their lives’ trajectory was changed by a book they read are usually not telling the whole story.

Behind the scenes of that miraculous change of mind, attitude, and behaviour change was a lot of inside work. Changing one’s schedule doesn’t happen with no inner battle to fight. There is always a need for a great effort to make a plan for change and stick to it even when it wasn’t convenient or even fun to do so.

We often tend to wait on other people or instead demand that they make us feel good. This is a disastrous approach to life. It weighs down on the other person who also has their struggles within, setting us up for major disappointment. Your partner, spouse, friend or parent cannot fully carry on the responsibility of validating, complimenting and making you feel good. They were not designed for that because inside of you are the necessary tools to do that. You only need to look hard enough.

Here is a funny thing I have observed concerning human behaviour: People tend to want to help those that seem least likely to need it.

Be needy and see how people flee from you. A disabled person, for example, who takes it upon himself to do the best he can despite the handicap tends to get people wanting to sponsor him and help him get along, while he who turns to beg for the same doesn’t get much of the pity he desires. It is the same thing when it comes to being needy for validation from other people. You make them reluctant to give it to you.

What then should you do?

Own your self-confidence, peace of mind and happiness in general. These things are too expensive to outsource.

You are who you believe and say you are!

By all means, raise the standard and believe you are more robust, more powerful and more successful than others think you are. Only you know those big dreams you have; when you tell them to other people who don’t believe in them as much as you do, they will only hinder your progress. So why give them that critical role of telling you what you can and cannot achieve?

Maybe your parents didn’t give you the love, affection, and affirmation you believe you deserved as a child.

Know this: people can only give what they have.

Why don’t you let it go and come to the realisation that they probably did the best they could under the circumstances they had (most parents do). With that same understanding, decide that you will fill up your inner peace with love and get on an intense self-development program to give yourself and your loved ones that was never given to you.

Life should be lived forward and not backward. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how much you have been scarred by other people who didn’t love you as they should have. You can decide today to take charge of yourself. You can decide that you will live up to the definition you give yourself. You will see life through your lenses.

They won’t give you compliments when you look good? Well, look at yourself in the mirror and give them to yourself! You are worth it, and you are not here by accident.